The Results are In!

181 pounds on the morning after the 15th day, for a 13 pound gain over 15 days. Could it be possible that I gain 26 pounds over the 30 days of Coke drinking? No way… Right? How should you think about this? If you only ingest, say, half of the sugar that I ingest (which would put you far into the group of Americans who eat the least sugar), would you only gain 13 pounds over a month? Wait, that can’t be right. Or could it? What about fruit? Fruit’s healthy, right? But what if the fruit and juice you’re drinking and eating only corresponded to, say… 1/3 of the amount of sugar I’m drinking. Would you only gain eight pounds over a month? Wait a damned second, now. You’re saying that just eating a little fruit and juice caused you to gain eight pounds in a month? Something’s wrong here. The world is upside down! Cats are sleeping with dogs! Next thing you’ll try and tell me is that eating fat doesn’t make you fat! That food cholesterol doesn’t turn into blood cholesterol! That doctors aren’t always right! That Diet soda isn’t that bad for you after all! Shut up! Shut up!

But wait. Maybe everybody’s body is different. Maybe some people’s bodies are made to eat grass, and some are made to eat bread and some are made to eat meat and some are made to eat wood chips, and some are made to eat salads. Everybody’s different! The normal human body chemistry doesn’t apply to you! There is no normal! There is no science! Nothing can be known! Hooray for chaos! Hooray for Coke!