I have just completed the first week of Ten Cokes a Day! I feel great. I drank 70 cokes over the last seven days, and if you count this morning, I’m up to 73. My weight, when I rose this morning, was 174. That’s six pounds gain in seven days. Pretty good, but I think I can do better. I think my body is just starting to get the hang of this. The actual Coke drinking is easier – I just drink Coke after Coke all day instead of water – and I feel like my body is tolerating the sugar better. My fasting blood sugar is now holding steady in the low 80’s.
If I continue at this rate of weight gain, I could gain 24 pounds this month. Let’s see.
I wanted to tell one more thing about my visit to the doctor’s office to discuss my cholesterol. As the assistant was updating my history, as I sat in the examination room, and after she had noticed, but not mentioned, that I had gained probably 8 pounds by her scale, she was asking, “okay, so nothing’s changed, no medications, you don’t smoke…”
“I was thinking of starting smoking,” I said.
She didn’t know I was kidding, and asked why I would do that. I explained that, now that so few people are smoking, that when I see a smoker I really think it looks cool.
“I don’t think that would be a good idea,” she said. “It’s really bad for you.”
I told her that obviously I didn’t mean non-filtered cigarettes, and that I would probably just try lite cigarettes, like Marlboro lights.
“You should talk to the doctor about that,” she said.
Then I said that, since I was already fifty years-old, that by the time any illness or disease set in, I would already be really old, so the timing was perfect.”
“You should really talk to the doctor,” she said. “And also, there’s a lot of air pollution already, so it would just be that much worse.”
Then I pointed out that since smoking decreased lung capacity, I would actually be breathing in less oxygen.
“I don’t know,” she said. “You should talk to the doctor about this.”
And then I forgot to talk to the doctor about it since we were having that uncomfortable conversation about high cholesterol and Paleo dieting. And I called back after the appointment to ask about it, but the doctor was busy and has not yet returned my call.
I’m just glad he’s not my surgeon, because a good rule of thumb is to never piss of a surgeon right before he operates on you.
Happy Halloween! Have a Coke and smile!